So, I haven't made a firm decision one way or the other, but I'm thinking about switching to another church. It's not that there's any real issues with church doctrine. Overall, I think my pastor does his job correctly, though I have some disagreements with him about a few things, such as the fact he thinks all Christians shouldn't drink alcohol (because he's a recovering alcoholic and it did much damage in his life), even though I've seen plenty of scriptures that say drinking in moderation is fine. The problem is that I'm tired of other people starting to snub me and my wife at church. These are people that previously always invited me and my wife to to social things outside the church, such as dinners, parties, celebrations, etc. We've been going to this church almost 13 years, but in the last couple of years people seem to be getting more cliquish and we don't seem to be part of anybody's clique now. I don't know why things have changed. It's kind of frustrating. I feel like we don't belong there anymore. I just wanted some advice on what to do should I decide to look for another church to make a fresh start with.
If there are no specific issues that you can put your finger on, it must be very difficult to deal with. If the church follows the pastor in his no-alcohol stance, you could very easily be victimized by legalism, or get labeled as a rebel or even an infidel in some circles. At any rate, getting shunned for no apparent reason reeks of hypocrisy and betrays some genuine, underlying error, IMO. I will keep this in mind and prayer, as you begin the process of considering a different place of fellowship.
Look for a church that puts Jesus Christ in the center of everything. If people are focussing on doing what Jesus said that's a good start. Look for a place where you will be spiritually fed, and look for a place where you may have an opportunity to bring the gifts you have to use within the church. If you're not going to be fed spiritually then sooner or later you will get hungry and if you're always give, give, giving then sooner or later you'll burn out. On the flip side if there are no opportunities for you to grow and develop your gifts the exact same will happen. Be prepared to wait a little while before getting heavily involved in anything - churches can (and should) want to see something of your walk with God and know you'll stay around before giving you the reins of anything. In fairness you'll also want to be able to extricate yourself without lots of aggravation if you decide a new church isn't working for you. Look for sound doctrine, even if there are a few attributes to the church that might not align perfectly with your preferences. The church I currently attend is more conservative than I'd ideally like and I'd prefer to be at a church with more younger people (I'm not exactly young myself any more but many of the regulars are older than my parents). It's not exactly what I'd choose but the teaching is sound, I'm being fed there (spiritually as well as physically, our fellowship meals are good!) and the minister encourages me to develop the gifts I have. Because I got to talking to several people within the church who were all interested in me helping with this or that I asked the minister directly to tell me straight if it looked like I was starting to take over, because I didn't want to be the guy who was involved in so much that other people felt they couldn't get a look in. If the church is closely associated with bodies like IHOP in Kansas City or with Bethel in Redding CA then don't walk away, run away as fast as you can. Those places tend to be fountains of faulty theology, some of it twisted in a way that makes it look good at first but both appear to have mastered the art of twisting Scripture to say things that the text doesn't actually support. This one is really important, bad theology spreads like a cancer and can do huge amounts of damage to a church and to individuals. If Scripture is ripped out of context to say something that isn't there (Job 22:28 is just one example) be very cautious. If there's talk of modern day apostles and prophets you need to be heading towards the door. If God reveals things to people and others are expected to accept it without question because "God has spoken", get out fast. For a time I was involved in a church that was very pro-Bethel, pro-IHOP, pro all sorts of silliness. People were very friendly while I attended but when I started to overtly question the teachings nobody wanted to talk about it and when I left the church not a single person called to make sure I was OK. People who had talked of having me round for dinner simply ceased all communication, and when (at their request) I emailed one of the council members explaining why I believed their theology was fatally flawed (with heavy Scripture references all around) I didn't even get a response. Apparently she was too busy to address the allegation that the church's preferred teachers were building the kingdom of the beast. Likewise if you're told not to ask questions, if pastors or ministers are considered above being questioned, you'll probably want to leave sooner rather than later. From my own experience, in many ways I learned a lot at the silly pro-Bethel church. In other ways I wish I'd got out sooner, simply because having moved to a new area and expecting church to be a reasonable part of my social life it was frustrating to have to start the quest for a church all over again, and because most of the church gave the impression of a group of people standing shoulder-to-shoulder looking inwards who merely moved to close up the gap when I left, it wasn't even as if there was anything of a social life carried forward from the church.
One strategy might be to take the bull by the horns, socially. You feel like you're getting the cold shoulder, but it could just be one of those years where everyone's pressed. Further, you could be certain by doing the social set ups and invitations yourself. Could be there's someone else in the church feeling they have the cold shoulder, and you're family is part of the amorphous "others" too. But if there's just a general malaise, then don't think too much about it. Go and look. You're not married to your church. Or just reclaim your Sunday and do something else besides church.
We just left our church, and meeting with the pastor to tell him why this week. Reason? We weren't fitting in (especially me), life circumstances changed, and so on. It's not all about doctrine. If the community aspect doesn't work, then it doesn't work.
We left our church recently as well. Same thing. But, we are having dinner with a couple from the church tonight.