“Not everyone can accept this word,” He replied, “but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born that way; others were made that way by men; and still others live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.” (Matthew 19:12) These verses seem to imply that not everyone is given the ability to live a celibate life (I'm guessing that Jesus did not refer to people who castrate themselves for the kingdom of God, although He might have actually meant that). If not everyone is given the ability to live a celibate life, then what are those who aren't given this ability supposed to do? Well, the apostle Paul gives us the solution in 1 Corinthians 7:9: "Get married!". Ah, well, that's pretty easy then... for the majority of able-bodied men who can support a family. What about those who are physically disabled, cannot hold a job, find a spouse, and were not given the ability to live a celibate life? What are they supposed to do? And please don't give me examples such as Nick Vujicic (I'm anticipating you might because people used to give him as an example to me quite a lot whenever this type of discussions were had). While I respect him for everything he is doing and love him as a brother in Christ, the reality is that these few examples of people with severe disabilities who succeed in having a happy family life are quite few and represent the exceptions that confirm the rule. The majority of disabled people struggle to find partners, get married and build families, and, because of the patriarchal family model recommended by Scripture (the husband is the head of his wife, he guides her, he provides for her, he defends her etc.) -- a model that does seem to work quite well for healthy people, so it was obviously well-designed --, things are slightly more difficult for disabled men than for disabled women.
Why not leave it to the disabled individual and God? Nothing in scripture lends authority to anyone in the church to classify people according to abilities or to determine their lifestyles. It has never been an issue. Why now? A repeated theme: your occupation with so-called disabled folk.
Because God uses people to impart His wisdom upon other people. There are many passages in the epistles of Saint Paul, and a few in the other epistles, about how the elders and leaders of the church have the authority to guide, instruct etc. the members of their churches, according to the wisdom provided to them. What has never been an issue? I'm not following. That's because I'm part of this folk.
You're asking a significant question, but because this is a forum and I can be cheeky, I'm going to go rhetorical. You seem to be suggesting that the vast majority of able-bodied people won't choose to be with someone who is physically disabled. I don't agree with that premise, but assuming for the sake of argument that it's correct, then wouldn't that leave physically disabled men and physically disabled women out of consideration for the able-bodied? That being the case, and given such wondrous things as the internet, what's to stop physically disabled people from seeking each other out to form the kinds of relationships you have in mind?
That doesn't mean people are nothing more than tools to be used by those deemed superior. Guide the church, instruct the church in the ways of God and the like, certainly. It doesn't mean that the elders of the church can tell me whether or not I'm allowed to have a relationship with the person of my choosing, unless that relationship directly violates Scripture. It's one thing for the elders of the church to tell me to stop fooling around with someone else's wife but another thing entirely to tell me I can't have a relationship with someone because the elders don't like her or don't think she is suitable. They are free to give their opinions, as is anyone else, and I'm equally free to disregard their opinions. Did you have a specific question relating to your original post? You've asked a fairly vague question in largely generic terms. Since you seem to be shifting from a generic query about historic times to a comment about here and now, in the here and now there's no reason why someone with a disability can't hold down a professional job or run a business and there's no shame in a woman being the primary breadwinner regardless of whether her partner is disabled or not. For what it's worth I loosely know a couple where the wife does absolutely everything. The reason is that her husband is so seriously disabled he can barely do anything for himself - I'm not sure if he can even go to the bathroom unaided. He was disabled when they got married, so it's not as if she's simply honoring the "for worse, for poorer, in sickness" parts of her marriage vows - she knew very well that day 1 of married life would be difficult.