For 40+ years my wife and her older sister had something special going on, two of a kind, unbreakable. And yet a couple of years ago the unthinkable happened, a quarrel between the two. Short version, betrayal and lies and the unwillingness to admit them. Husbands got involved which only made things worse. Things got so bad that the older sister called me with the message she wanted to break with us. I offered her a solution, we are going to meet each other the next day in a neutral place (a restaurant) and have a good time with each other as we were used to for 40+ years with the promise to never ever talk about the case again. And they accepted, we met the next day, had an amazingly good time considering the tensions over the last 2 years. Upon this day the case never was brought up again. REAL Reconciliation? No. There is damage on both sides, The relationship isn't as it was any longer. But when we meet it's good.
There is no steadfast , one way only REAL reconciliation. Sometime reconciliation simply is an agreement to disagree and move forward. Taking the same old people on a new path, a new adventure. Looking forward and making new memories. Reconciliation is accepting the same solution and stepping forward and not looking over your shoulder. I commend all of you.
Yeah, when people hurt each other deeply and try to reconcile, things are NEVER the same. They’re just not. We Christians like to try to convince ourselves that when we forgive each other all negative feelings will magically go away and things will be way they used to be, maybe even better, but it’s seldom ever the case. Most of the time the best we can realistically expect is that things are ok, civil, maybe even “good,” but they will NEVER be as good as they once were.
If people think that forgiveness is about pretending it never happened then there will be problems. If people think that extending forgiveness is about saying it doesn't matter then there will be problems. Me extending forgiveness to you is about acknowledging the hurt you caused me and choosing not to hold that hurt against you. If it didn't matter there would be nothing to forgive. If I could pretend it never happened that would be the easiest solution. Things probably won't be the same after a major issue in a relationship but I'd suggest that if forgiveness has truly been offered and accepted then there's no reason it shouldn't be as good as it was before. If I care about our relationship enough to humble myself and seek your forgiveness, and you care about our relationship enough to choose not to hold the wrong against me, doesn't that prove the relationship is something we both care about, in a way that gives it a value over and above what it had before there were issues? It seems to me that it's like the difference between the friend that says "hey, call if you need anything" and the friend who sees that you have a need and deals with it before you even have to mention it.
Sad. Times in my life when things have been reconciled, the end result is better than the "before damage." I don't know, in my mind, anything less than that really isn't reconciliation but man's acceptance of less than God's grace.
Feel blessed, then. I’ve NEVER experienced that. Things generally, if I’m lucky, are, at best, tolerable after reconciliation. Depending on how severe the rift was, things just feel “off.” Like we can get along, but there’s still this lingering tension. Over time it lessens, but it never completely goes away.
Who thinks that? And how much statistical evidence or knowledge do you have about this to make such a broad statement.
The one big step in reconciliation is to stop dwelling on who the person was when the offense took place, (you'll not change history) but rather focus on who the person has become. Reconciliation does not erase the past, it writes the future.
I haven’t taken some large survey or something. Just what I’ve seen from personal experience or from what I’ve seen others go through.
I've had people do things to me. And I've forgiven them. But I was never under the assumption that everything was going to magically be restored as though it never happened. It just becomes the new normal.