Since asking God to reveal himself to me, many moons ago, I can attest to one thing. I am not the man I used to be. I now see who I am compared to a Holy God. I fall really short. Really. I am burdened daily by the weight of this fact. But I have Hope. He has changed me in profound ways. Ways that are wonderful. But I still fight daily. Hand to hand combat. ( mind & soul ) I now have ‘breaks’, in my life, ( as in a car ) when before, I did not.. I don’t know why I fight Grace so. It’s a mystery for sure. Do you guys have this experience ?
“So from now on we regard no one according to the flesh. Although we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. 17Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away.Behold, the new has come! 18All this is from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation”…2 Cor 5
How can a man be born when he is old?” Nicodemus asked. “Can he enter his mother’s womb a second time to be born?” 5Jesus answered, “Truly, truly, I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit. 6Flesh is born of flesh, but spirit is born of the Spirit.…John 3
1 Peter 1:3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead...
Romans 7:15-20 New International Version (NIV) 15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
Sometimes I wish I was still even LESS of the man I once was. I don't like that guy. And he likes to remind me that he's always lurking.
God forbid that I should glory, save in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom the world is crucified unto me and I unto the world. For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision availeth anything nor uncircumcision, but a new creature. And as many as walk according to this rule, peace be on them, and mercy, and upon the Israel of God.’ (Gal. 6:14-16).
Don't know if you guys have noticed, but the word rejoice is used 238 times in Scripture. Struggle is mentioned 6 times.
Hate yourself or hate the sin? I have become so sensitive to my short comings over the last few years that I have many days wished it was over and I was in Heaven. I know this is not the correct view, there is much work to be done and little time to do it. And as Tom aptly stated, there is much to rejoice over. Yes we struggle, but we have also overcome. We are more than conquerors
Hi hisleast, your story sounds very similar to mine in many ways. I think many of us deal with the inner turmoil that sin causes as it does battle with the Spirit. It gives me much comfort that Paul experienced this to. I think that if we are feeling this way, it’s good! It means that the Spirit is alive in us and fights the corrupt portions of us. It’s not easy tho, I will attest to this in spades. I suspect complete surrender will bring more peace. (?) Hisleast, How do you know your not a Christian brother? The times you thought you became one, how do you know that you did not?
I read this many years ago, it really got me thinking. I have posted it on bf several times, but for those who have not read it, here it is. Jabbok! A Place of Total Surrender http://www.tscpulpitseries.org/english/undated/tsjabbok.html
Oh, I don't really hate myself as in the-being-that-I-am, but I'm not so keen on the person-that-I-actually-am. I don't have a was-before-Christ vs. am-now-in-Christ, as I've, for all intents-and-purposes, always been Christian (and I have no reason to doubt my little 4-year-old self's confession of faith). That also presents the unique experience of being-in-Christ, and experiencing what other people probably experienced outside-of-Christ, and feeling all the worse for it. I'd really love to be the person God wants me to be, but I'm utterly incompetent in that arena (hence, absolute dependence on God).
That makes sense Kierkegaard. I became a Christian around 25 years old. Prior to this I was a garden variety heathen immersed in wide variety of anti-God pursuits. The new me is very much improved, ( which I am grateful for ) but the old-man rears his head now and again, and I hate it. I wish I was a Christian at a much earlier age, perhaps the weight would be less, but maybe not. Amen.
Maybe, or maybe it would just be different: sinning and knowing it's sin the whole time, for example. Or, never feeling as if you can be honest about something because of others' joking, and perhaps outright condemnation, of that very same thing (it's not good for one's psyche; I can't tell you the number of times I've been part of a group - of guys, particularly - who were just brutal on issues I face, without knowing that I face those issues). It would be infinitely better to be brought up 'in the faith', but don't underestimate the existential angst that can result in, the self-censorship, the lack of feeling 'part of', etc.
I split the difference between you two. Raised Roman Catholic. Placed my trust in Jesus’ finished work instead of my own works at age 15.
Answering the second question first: The times you thought you became one, how do you know that you did not? Details all kind of bleed together over time. I'd say immediately after each time I thought for sure THIS TIME it was legitimate. But then over time ... no real transformation, only growing doubt, and never once any sense of peace / relationship / communion. Just a profound and perpetual sense of "there's nothing here". How do you know your not a Christian brother? I do not meet the minimum standards I guess. I neither proclaim nor believe.