September 20 2016 Went to Hoskinsville today. To an old country church to visit my daughter for the first time. Forty one years ago, Virginia and I had our first child. She lived just a few hours. Difficult birth. I could only view her through the glass wall. Virginia wasn't able to see her at all. We'd talked about it when the nurse came in and wanted to know what we wanted to name her. Neither of us were even able to hold her in our arms. We decided that God must have a special name for her. We left the birth and death certificate to simple say, "Infant daughter". Virginia was too weak to be released from the hospital. I was alone when we buried her. My parents and our pastor was there, but, oh trust me, I was alone. A few days later, I took Virginia home. I'd left the bedroom untouched. The baby's things were still on the dresser and in the drawers. The crib with that tiny Kelly green dress I was to take to the hospital for the baby to wear home, draped over the dressing table. It was something we had to do together. Put that part of our lives away. I remember sitting on the bed and Virginia holding the dress while I described for her once more, how beautiful our daughter was. And we held each other and cried, as only two kids who lost their first child, could cry. We boxed things up and gave them to a charity, hoping they would go to another young couple who needed it. Neither of us went back to that church. Our daughter was with God, her Father. We'd wait. God blessed us with another daughter a year later, and a son four years after that. We moved on and the hurt was soothed. It's been six months since I took Virginia for our last car ride together. Scattered her ashes in a favorite spot of hers, and said goodbye. So, I visited our daughters grave today. Stood over the marker that simply said, "Infant daughter Hayes". Said a little prayer. Imagined Virginia's voice singing "Jesus Loves Me" And said goodbye. When my time comes and I meet Virginia again, one of the first things I'm going to ask her, What's her name?
I gotta tell you Tom, you have a way of bringing tears to my eyes. Beautiful, heartfelt post. Now excuse me while I remove the eyelash out of my eyes.