Before we go any further into your post, I need a big, no, HUGE favor. I'm really not that smart. Can you PLEASE tell me EXACTLY what it means to focus on Jesus? I've heard so much Christianese all my life, and I'm not referring to you or anyone else here in the forum, mainly my former church, that it's hard for me to know exactly what a lot of those phrases mean. Like "Give it to God", "Rest in the Lord". So please, I humbly ask of you to break it down to it's actual application in your life. What does it mean to focus on Jesus? Or rather, how do YOU focus on Jesus. I honestly have no clue and I'd rather be honest and ask you to explain, as dumb as that may make me appear, than just say, OK, and I continue with my lack of knowledge.
Great question. But you are that smart. You have the mind of Christ. In essence, it is about being self-aware. You have to recognize when you are experiencing periods or thoughts of doubt, depression, worry, etc. You may have certain thought patterns, actions, etc., when distressed. You know when you feel like a failure. I know I do. So, the first step is self-awareness. I find a simple prayer helps me there. "Holy Spirit, help me to be aware of your presence in my life today. Guard my mind and ring the alarm bell when I start having stupid thoughts. Thanks." Then, it is simple. You stop. Maybe it's only 10 seconds, but you pray. "Jesus, I'm feeling _____ right now, and I know that you love me, and care for me, and don't want me to be worried/afraid/angry, etc... So, please help me to be filled with your love, joy, and peace. Thanks." If you want to go further, and I recommend it, Romans 12 teaches us to have our mind renewed. A simple study of "who we are in Christ" is a great, short study that helps us to have Scripture to reference when we find ourselves distressed. Over time, your mind is renewed and you begin relying on the Holy Spirit consistently. That's all anyone means by "focus on Jesus." It's just talking with Him, just like you are talking to me via the internet. Simple, casual conversation. "Hey, Jesus, I feel like crap right now. Please help me relax and enjoy being with you right now. Thanks, bro." Nothing fancy.
Isa 40:28 - Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. 29 He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. 30 Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; 31 but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.
Seeking, I agree and am with you. I'm curious what people mean when they say certain phrases. I've tried to drop Christianese from my language. I'm sure it slips in. Kierkegaard is a thinking Christian so I'm sure he's got similar thoughts on it. Changing habits of speech takes time though.
Thank you my friend. This is really good advice and applicable. Going to bookmark this post and print it out to have as a reminder.
Hrm, that didn't even strike me as Christianese (I agree with you and TrustGzus), so I think it will be helpful to unpack what I meant. Let's use a personal example as a frame of reference. As a consequence of the (gender) dysphoria I experience, I wake up every day feeling not quite myself (I'm sorry, I don't even know an analogy for the experience). The result is that I spend a lot of mental energy focusing on the dysphoria: it affects how I understand myself; it affects how I relate to others, and it causes a great deal of stress. I would like to not have to keep it to myself, particularly as others around me talk about 'trans' people as insane, delusional, mentally disordered, narcissitic, etc., but I can't because it would mean (a) familial rejection, and (b) negative consequences for my role in the local church, and that is true for my wife as well. That's just for being open about what I'm dealing with. It's just my luck too: statistically I'm about 1 in ~100,000 (or more). Now I'm also sure that I'm expecting the worst from people and that I would be surprised who reacted negatively and who didn't, but I am almost certain - because this is something I'm particularly aware of - that the 'important' people (i.e. elders, deacons, leaders, etc.) aren't among those I would be surprised about. This is simply a reality of the churches I've served in or attended, and because such churches have had at least one openly transgender (MtF - male to female) person in the congregation, I've seen how these things play out. I go to a clinical psychologist every few weeks and we talk about how I feel. She's thoroughly educated in secular theories of whatever, which means that my dysphoria narrative is unchallenged. In fact, it's encouraged. Everything we've ever talked about became focused on my dysphoria once I introduced it as a topic of discussion. In her mind it's clarified everything I've ever told her, and in fact I should embrace how I feel, and so on. Why do I avoid people when I go out? Women are a reminder of my dysphoria. Why don't I value relationships with men? I don't understand them: dysphoria. Why do I choose to play mainly female characters in the (video) games that I play? Dysphoria. Why do I like taking walks alone? Dysphoria. Why did I choose to eat ceral this morning instead of scrambled eggs? Dysphoria. So I wake up every day and the first thing that hits me is how I feel. I talk to a therapist and that's the key to all my problems. I experience all of my relationships from the stance of a guarded person: I don't let anyone in because I can't risk them finding out anything about me, because I think that would be a bad thing. I survive church because I contribute my giftings but am otherwise quiet, reserved, and only approached by the brave. I find it difficult not to focus on my dysphoria, and that's what I mean by focus. What then do I mean by focusing on Jesus? This relates to something that I read about in a book by Mark Yarhouse (a Christian psychologist). He asks his patients to practice what I'll call 'conscious awareness'. Right now I am consciously aware of my dysphoria in relation to everything I do. When I do something 'in real life', I first think about (a) how I'm going to feel, (b) whether it would be good for me to do (i.e. I don't want to go to a men's retreat, but reinforcing male activities is probably not a bad thing for me to do), (c) whether I like or want to do it, and so on. I engage with myself mentally. Pastor: We're having a men's retreat over the weekend in the woods. We're going to be doing activities and hearing talks on God's purpose for husbands: do you want to come? Me: ~ First thought: I have a hard time with God / husband / wife / marriage language Second thought: A men's retreat? With... men? Third thought: No, I'd rather do something else Fourth thought: Why don't I want to go? { Commence internal question and answer session } My focus is 100% on me, and the question 'would this retreat beneft my wife and myself and improve our marriage and make her happier' doesn't come up for a long time. So I make a change. I turn that 100% focus on me into a question, or more often a request. - I have a heard time with God / husband / wife marriage language, Jesus please help me to understand this because it makes me uncomfortable. - I don't really want to go to a men's retreat, but Jesus I know this would probably be good for me so help me to honor you and my wife and not be swayed by how I feel. - I feel not quite me every day of the week, but Jesus you know me best: help me to see me as you see me. For me it's a process of including Jesus in my internal dialogues; in my thoughts about how I feel, and in the decisions that I make. It's learning to engage the world in such a way that I live as if Jesus were standing beside me: not as some omnipotent 'Q' figure, but as a man who knows what I'm going though, knows how to get me out of it, and just needs me to trust Him. When I actually met Jesus when I was younger, he did something not a lot people did with me: he hugged me. I have to learn to trust like my 11(?) year old self, and for me that starts with the above and what I mean by 'focusing on Jesus'.
What he said. BINGO. And Kirk, "It's just my luck too: statistically I'm about 1 in ~100,000 (or more)." I think that makes you "special"! :.:
And while the popular phraseology is often vague and an oversimplification at times, I think most believers who prescribe "looking to Jesus" or "looking at the Savior," are imploring those in trials to seek the strength of Christ or to actually appropriate His strength and/or intervention. And He is to be regarded in this sense as our first example. "Who in the days of his flesh, when he had offered up prayers and supplications with strong crying and tears unto him that was able to save him from death, and was heard in that he feared." "For because he himself has suffered when tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted." Heb 5:7 And it never appears that Christ's earthly ministry was ever without tremendous warfare. "Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God." Heb 12:2 I have found, much too often, that simple sin and failure can easily beset me, while there is actually no temptation or trial that is too overwhelming if I sincerely call upon His strength. Much more than simply begging God (as many confess) to remove a certain habit or tendency, there is that deliberate, conscious shifting of each burden to Christ and resisting the urge or facing the trial in His strength. I've also learned (though I won't tell you how faithful I have been to this lesson) that the best time to look to Christ is at the very beginning of a temptation - or subtle suggestion - before I get to the point where I am in a raging battle, which in my own strength, I am bound to lose. I've often used the analogy of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Speaking for yours truly, I can certify that if I am drowning in failure or overwhelmed and defeated by dark pressures, it's usually because I have forgotten this and am attempting to go in my own strength and wisdom(?).
Sometimes "focus on Jesus" can mean little more than "I dunno, I'd best think of something spiritual to say" but sometimes thinking of it in more secular terms can make it more approachable. Sometimes when I've got annoyed about something I'll slow down and figure whether it's going to matter in half an hour. If not, no need to sweat it. If the person in the checkout line seems to be less intelligent than the groceries they are ringing up, I'll take a little longer. It's annoying at the time, but what of it? Sometimes something will still matter in half an hour, but maybe it won't matter any more tomorrow, or next week, or next month. So there's a way of easing off the feelings of annoyance/irritation/anger/whatever. Sometimes the red mist comes down and bypasses all the rationale and I blow up at something, and then feel bad about it, and then think about how I could have handled it better and wonder whether I can even do this whole Christian thing, and then I figure that it's not just me and I'm not the Worst Christian Ever because I fell on my face again, and get on with it again. In some ways it's good to get those feeling that I'm useless as a Christian, because it means the devil is trying to put me off my walk. If the devil ever quits giving me grief that's probably not a good sign.
Give yourself permission never to apologize, truckle, or beg for clarification of these kinds of terms. You're a grown man, and you've seen life and death. You've heard all the lessons, and read all the words. Yet for all this you find these terms confusing and un-illuminating. Brother, that ain't because you haven't been around enough. I say that meaning no ill-will or disrespect to RK. I know what he's getting at. I know he's able to speak beyond the one-bite cantrips. I'm moved by your connection to this thread. "Its good to know I'm not alone" you say... because something here is resonating with you. Unsurprisingly, I invite you to consider non-religious ways to approach that pain/frustration/weariness (whatever *thing* you're feeling). If my experience taught me anything its that the more I block off the dark feelings religious thinktime, the worse it got. It got worse because I was unable (and unallowed) to consider where the emotions were really coming from. Where was the source? Is the source fair? (meaning, am I being fair on myself for thinking a certain way) Is the source a proxy for something else? (in my case, porn being a proxy for loneliness, among other things) Sometimes (I'd argue most times), it simply doesn't help to simplify, abstract, and distract. Sometimes you have to do the #$%&ing hard work of learning why you think and feel the way you do. Lastly, if you decide to take that path, be discrete about who you share it with, unless you want to find out who your friends really *aren't*.
Some good thought, but is what you're offering a non-Christian* approach? I don't know anyone who would say, e.g., 'focus on Jesus but don't do any of the hard work of learning why you think and feel the way you do' - quite the opposite. Contrary to the implication, the Christian approach isn't to be unthinking or non-thinking about what one is going through, and never has been (regardless of our local / individual experiences of Christianity). That is true regardless: there's wisdom in knowing who and who not to share personally with. Most relationships don't need to be completely open, and that's perfectly fine. * Since we're talking about Christianity particularly and not religion generally. For those who missed it, I provided a lengthy explanation of what I meant: http://parsonscorner.org/answers/index.php?topic=994.msg26520#msg26520
Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me. This really helps me understand, in a tangible way, exactly what you were referring to. It's clear that my focus is on my. Now I need to create the habit of going to God in prayer instead of complaining and getting mad. I know it won't be easy, but I will do my best to go to Him. Need to break some bad habits along the way. And change my attitude regarding prayer.
First let me say thank you for your reply. I really do appreciate your openness and ability to say things the way they are. I know when you speak, you speak from your heart. I'm certainly not against seeking non-religious counsel, because it did help me in my younger years, however, since my struggles are due to my faith, it would be hard to seek advice outside of the faith. Not because it would be ineffective, but I need someone who understands my situation because they have experience with my situation. Of course I understand one doesn't need to suffer through depression to counsel others going through depression, but I'm at a point where I'm a little cautious of someone who didn't share my faith, giving me counsel, about my faith related issue. Not sure if that's making any sense to you, but it does for me at the moment. Because of my makeup, there are very few, read almost none, people that I trust enough to open up to them. Which often times leads me to seek advice and counsel on these very forums.
I'm not even suggesting you find counsel outside your faith. I'm suggesting that you allow yourself to explore these dark areas without, necessarily, leashing them to a religious context. I'm suggesting the time spent deconstructing what terms like "focus on jesus" mean practically, could just as easily and more effectively be spent in deep introspection. .,..and if I'm way off course, you don't have to worry about it making sense to me. For your pain, its you that matters.
Manny, the Holy Spirit indwells you. If Jesus can choose twelve ragtag guys who in the end, betray, deny and doubt. And one replacement who had to be struck blind. Give them the Holy Spirit and produce Scripture, I'm pretty sure if you began talking to yourself, you'll find that if you're in your inner room, the voice you hear answering, is the Holy Spirit. Stop "Giving it to Jesus" Enter into a partnership with Him. Join Him. "Giving it to Jesus" is like having a team of horses and expecting one of them to pull and the other just to follow behind.
I misunderstood you. I thought that's what you were suggesting. So I think I understand what you're saying. Not to isolate my current situation simply to my beliefs/faith, but rather the issue could be something that has to do more with me than my faith.